Chapter 146

There is no regret in my journey.

no burden no worries.

already 2 weeks in third sem.

socialization keep happening with me.

a non stop process since i ever born.

I want to have new friends,

new environment.

I don't want to stay in the sad memories that I had before.

Move forward to gain better.

I don't need a friend that ignore me always!

Today is the first time I release the sky lanterns.

it is amazing...

even the process is quick..

but it is meaningful...

according to chinese traditional culture,

we use to write our wishes on the sky lantern and release it into the sky so that God will receive your wishes and make it come true..

I have make 3 wishes....

not greedy la...some of them write the whole paper I saw..

Hope my wishes all comes true...

I saw a lot people doing the same thing like us....

it is really beautiful..and I would like to experience it once again...

Chapter 145

I don't want to make myself stress in a relationship!!!

why such girl like to make the guy to feel guilty?

Is is a human nature?

or purposely to make a fun..

this ain't funny!

I hate being like this.

I din't even did wrong in a situation,

At last I'm the one who said sorry,

please forgive me,

no more next time.

What the heck !!!

Harlo, !! a guy also need face okay.

not like a dog begging for forgiveness.

there is a limit in enduring.

A love should not be like this.

I just hope to had a mature girlfriend !!

Think of me,

care me,

love me,

accept me,

honest to me,

share everything with me,

enjoy with me,

is that so difficult??

I hope she will change for me.

Chapter 144

Recently seldom took photo.

cause don't really involve in outing.

I want to have a Happy chinese new year....

remove all the unwanted memories of me..

Delete them from me....

don't ever let them influence my mood..

I can live even better without them...

I don't want to be clown to somebody..

I want to be myself..

I got my right to choose my own way, especially my girlfriend...

don't show me such cocky face!!

I don't know why you all can behave differently when I get together with her.

did she hurt you in anyway?

Don't you all feel happy when I got my love?

I wont fucking care your feeling if you don't care mine...^^

today I heard a very meaningful philosophy from Mr.Bala ( my international studies lecture)

' The end decide the means '

as you achieve the satisfying goal, people will forget the way you behave..

Can I praise myself mature in managing a relationship?

this time is so different some other times.

hardly describe, but I can feel it really.

what is the most important in a relationship?

loyalty? confident? caring? sex?

don't call me choose either one...

because I need 4 of it...hahaha

Chapter 143

Myself!

A semester break that change me a lot.

my status change now.

don't have much direction.

Just want to did well on my study.

Din't go much place enjoy on semester break.

don't really have the mood for me.

did a silly thing during semester break.

I fill in diesel for my aunt car!!

lol, stupid right.

I din't realize about it.

I'm sorry...but I don't really want....hmmmm T.T

Family!

Hmm.. new semester..

everything seems to be okay right now.

Chinese New Year coming.

but does't seems to have the mood,

cause this time will celebrate in different way.

first time we celebrate CNY without daddy.

we'll having 团圆饭 in grandma house in Gopeng this time.

usually we eat at our home.

but this time....hmmm....

afraid....I afraid of my mom feeling right now.

I scare she can't face the relatives.

I hope she will get prepared for all this..

What she she need is us and time.

I love you mommy..

Friends!

recently I found out that I don't have really much friends, but I have true friends.

Love my brothers so much!!

when I need concern, you all are here and caring me...

when I need help, you willing to contribute your hand to me...

Thanks a lot.

how about the friends here.

last time we're happy together

but now...

maybe is my attitude problem, hardly to mix up with them anymore.

but is okay..depends on how they think me...

I was just like to fooling around, if they can't accept that..FINE...

I wont begging for such friends who not appreciate me at all....

always treat me as a 'clown'...

when you need joy you'll find me..fuck off man...

Love!

don't know what to write in love.

I love chee yan la...

hahaha..

sorry to my other 'fans' I'm unavailable..

I should be loyal to a girlfriend who loves me so much.

my brothers!!!

Chapter 142

I'm sorry my friend.

because of my personal problem make you all so worried.

I know you all purposely having a party to cheer me up,

thank you very much and I appreciate it.

Although I couldn't attend but I can feel your sincere.

sincerely apologize...friends forever.

I'm sorry my dear friend.

because of my personal problem , I have to cancel all the date with you.

In this time I'm not suitable to enjoy and hang out.

I need to spend more time with my family.

I'm sorry, sincerely apologize.

I'm sorry my lovely girlfriend.

I could not spend most of my time with you now.

I had to pay more attention on my family.

I'm sorry I love you.

By the time, I have such weird feeling on myself.

I feel like wanna escape from everyone.

I don't want to see anybody.

I want to hide myself.

In somehow, I had deactivate my facebook account....

I prefer myself in dream, so I can decorate my own life.

I don't know why such feeling will come on me.

I love my life, I enjoy my life.....

but now... I got the opposite feeling..

Maybe this is what we study in sociology

life course approach...

something happen that change your whole life.

no matter status or mind set.

this is interesting..but I dislike it much...

Chapter 141

没什么值得我去开心.

我真的很累

很烦

如果可以给我选

我比较喜欢闷

因为闷的时候你可以找事做

可是烦的时候，什么也做不了

问题总是发生在我掌握之外

我没办法控制

我真是为了它困扰了很久

没办法开心和专心

无论我多厉害假装，也瞒不了我自己

很多内情我不知道

也没人要跟我说

只是叫我做好本分

可是做好本分是不够的

烦恼还是会跟着你来

根本没有人了解我

根本没有人可以站在我立场想

我到底最想要的是什么

我最在乎的是什么

没人知道

为什么人家生出来就有个美满的家庭

好爸爸

好妈妈

而我呢？？？

要为了这个烦

那个烦

看到自己的妈妈每天哭

自己也做不了什么

本来想着可以用这个假期好好享受

但是又给人骂

‘你有没有担心过你家人？ 每天到外跑。。’

我在家我能做什么？？

有人在家吗？？

全部都出门了...

我不想每天面对着一个伤心的家...

但是没办法

我知道这是命运

等着我们去面对.....

为什么我不能很想别人的家一样？

住大房子，驾美车，家人感情好

为什么我的家人是不一样的？？

有是命运....

我也不懂我将来的路会怎样走...

我不懂我应不应该这样下去...

我的烦恼到底几时可以来个了断...

我真的很累了...

我怕我自己撑不下去了....